


My Will

by ackerthugs



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-11-21 22:41:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11367126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackerthugs/pseuds/ackerthugs
Summary: Levi and Mikasa have been captured by Marley and are being held as prisoners. Escape seems like an unrealistic possibility, but if the chance arises, sacrifices and choices will need to be made.





	1. An Endless Descent

**Part 1: An Endless Descent**

Levi thought that his childhood was going to be the worst he would ever experience. Until he learned to fend for himself, growing up in the Underground was hell. But now, everything he experienced then pales in comparison to life as a prisoner to the Marley government. It’s the serum that they’re injecting into his bloodstream that fucks him up. It drains away all his strength and leaves him disoriented – unable to tell left from right and up from down. It must be a potent substance that not only counteracts the titan chemistry within their bodies, but shuts down their nervous system as well.

If it weren’t for her, Levi would certainly be a madman by now. But Mikasa keeps him grounded. Every time he feels the heat of the serum spreading through his body, they lock eyes and he endures it, knowing that she does the same. He reminds himself that she is real that’s enough to keep him sane.

“What day do you think it is?” Mikasa asks him.

“Hard to say, but I think we’re nearing day 40.” Levi keeps track by counting their injection cycles. He thinks that they’re being injected every other day.

“I wonder why they still keep us together,” she looks at him, thankful that she doesn’t have to endure this torture alone.

“This must be their only maximum security cell,” Levi responded. “If they put one of us anywhere else they’re probably afraid we’ll escape. Either that, or they’re really fucking dense.”

Mikasa smiles bitterly. “They must not know how much this fucks us up then.” She gestures towards the inside of her elbow, which is bruised from multiple injections. “I can’t even fathom pulling off an escape in this state.”

“You’re holding up better than I am though,” Levi reaches over and traces her bruises with his fingertips, eliciting goosebumps along her skin.

“Maybe it’s because of your old age,” Mikasa says it with a twinkle in her eye.

Levi scoffs and shakes him head. “You’re more light-hearted than I would have imagined.”

“You just never spent enough time with me to know that.”

Levi closes his eyes and leans us head back against the stone walls. “It’s a shame that these are the circumstances that bring us together.”

“Yeah…it is.”

-

Sometimes the cell gets so cold that they huddle against one another to share body heat and keep themselves warm. Levi buries his head into neck and Mikasa rests her head on top of his. It’s an innocent position for them, fuelled on by nothing more than the instinct to survive. These bouts of chill usually arise a few hours after their injections and Levi is hit the hardest. Mikasa wraps her arms around him and rubs her hands slowly over his arms, hoping that the friction will warm him up.

It’s become a routine for them, though the first few times, Mikasa didn’t know what to do about her captain’s ailing pants and his chattering teeth. She had never seen her captain so vulnerable and she was hesitant to take care of him. She could tell that he wasn’t pleased about being so visibly helpless and Mikasa was afraid of overstepping her boundaries, but she soon learned that rules and ranks don’t exist when one becomes a prisoner of war. Her captain soon became her equal.

-

“I hope they’re safe.” Mikasa’s fingers grasp at empty air around her neck. When they captured them, they took everything they were wearing at the time, though her hand still reaches instinctively for the scarf at times.

“They should be,” Levi responded. “If they had been captured, we would have been killed because there would have been no more use for us.”

“They’re keeping us as bait - ”

The sound of the latch to their door turning slices through Mikasa’s voice and immediately she tenses up. Levi gives her hand a quick, weak squeeze, before releasing it. Showing emotions and attachment are dangerous when you’re at the mercy of somebody else. They’re always looking for ways to break you and the people you care about will just become collateral damage.

As the door opens, a warm glow spills into the cell to supplement the single, constantly burning light that hangs from the ceiling. The same three people who have been injecting them since their capture enter, holding a lantern and the boxes that hold the syringe and serum. They’re two males and one female who all look like teenagers. The two males look as though they could be related - both with light brown hair, blue eyes and sharp facial features, whereas the female has messy dark brown hair that falls to her shoulders and matching brown eyes. They never say anything to Levi or Mikasa when they come in, just a few words to one each other as they prepare to inject them one at a time.

It’s always Levi who gets the serum first. The guys hold him against the wall as the girl draws the serum into the syringe from a small glass jar. Levi grits his teeth – he knows that fighting is useless because he lacks the strength and it would only get them in more trouble. His heart is pounding and his breaths are heavy as he watches her bring the needle towards his skin. Even before it makes contact, he begins to see black spots in his vision and he turns his head to meet the gaze of Mikasa who stays beside him. The needle punctures his skin and he feels the serum being pushed into his vein and the familiar, agonizing feeling of heat spreading into his body. He can’t help but let out a small cry, but his eyes remain locked on Mikasa’s.

Next is her turn. Her eyes remain on him and she sees that Levi’s eyes are beginning to droop as the effects of the drug begin to kick in, but he wills them to stay open so that he can give Mikasa the same haven that she gives him. As she feels her own dose being administered, she handles it better, biting her tongue to prevent herself from crying out in pain. She doesn’t want to give them the satisfaction of listening to her suffer, and unlike Levi, she’s able to retain enough strength.

The trio pack away their supplies and leave the cell without another word, letting the heavy door bang shut and locking the latch in place as the sounds echo throughout the room. Immediately, Mikasa rises to her feet and extends her hand toward Levi who uses his dwindling strength to take it and let himself be hoisted to his feet. The pair walk over to single mattress on the other side of the room that sits on the floor, devoid of bedding and blankets, but at least has two pillows. They lay down on their backs and Mikasa places a protective hand over Levi’s, which rests on the mattress. Soon their minds are going to descend into a familiar oblivion, but they’ll do everything they can to make sure the other doesn’t have to suffer alone.

-

“How are they?” Reiner asks the trio when he sees them that night during dinner.

Falco shrugs his shoulders and picks at his food. “The same as always. Quiet and lifeless.”

“They also look noticeably much skinnier,” Colt adds.

Reiner nods, processing the information. He’s still in awe that Marley has been able to reduce the two best soldiers of the Survey Corps – the ones that possess some type of titan strength – to nothing by lifeless dolls with a single serum. It’s terrifying, really, the power within that drug and he had no idea how Zeke managed to get his hands on it. “Is it getting easier for you guys?” Reiner prods. “To do this, I mean. You’ll be facing injections of your own soon, if everything works out for you all.”

Falco laughs dryly. “Yeah, but ours are going to have quite the opposite effect.”

* * *

_A/N: Wow it’s been a while since I’ve written. I’m also returning ambitiously as this is going to be my first shot a multi-part fic (which is nerve-racking!!). Originally posted on tumblr and I feel like having a multi-part fic means I should finally start porting stuff to AO3. Maybe I'll also clean up the boatload of one-shots I have scattered across my tumblr accounts too._


	2. Planting Seeds

There are good days and there are bad days. Days where Levi and Mikasa will share laughs and days where they’ll lay in complete silence because despair gets the best of them. But one thing remains constant, and that’s each other’s support. They talk about anything and everything to pass the time, slowly stripping each other of their secrets.

“When did it get easier?” Mikasa prods him. “When did the deaths stop affecting you as much?”

Levi’s gaze meets her own from under his undercut, which has been growing out since they’ve been captured. “Do you want the truth? It doesn’t, really. The first few times, all I felt was anger. I wanted to kill every one of those damn titans around me. Then, as I continued to see soldiers killed, I soon became numb. The anger faded away and it was replaced with an inability to feel anything. I would preach to everybody – family members, friends, and other soldiers – the importance of the sacrifices of their beloved, but eventually it became a rehearsed script.”

He clenches his fists as he slumps against the wall and Mikasa looks at the defeated man in front of her, waiting for him to continue.

“I didn’t feel anything for a long time. But when the original Special Operations Squad – Petra, Gunther, Eld, and Oulo – when they were killed, that’s when I started to feel despair. I picked those soldiers and by picking them, I gave them a death sentence.” His voice turns into a growl at this point and he can’t look at Mikasa anymore because he’s ashamed. “Being a soldier in the Corps is hell as it is, but I started to think that I should just expect everybody to die under me. Erwin, Hanji, Mike, and I would talk about this from time to time. How we had been so lucky to survive for so long and lead so many people to their deaths. I guess we felt guilty, but it seemed like we had come to expect it. To expect that we would live and continue to see so many others die.”

“I guess that’s the price we have to pay in exchange for our strength.”

Levi manages to look at her again, his expression softer this time. “But you bunch have been with me for a long time. I can’t remember the last time I had a squad last me this long.”

Mikasa smiles. “I guess we’re showing you that there’s hope. You aren’t destined to lead everybody to their deaths.”

“That’s why I need you to live, Mikasa.”

His words catch her off guard. “Captain I –“

“Levi.” He cuts her off firmly. “Just Levi, Mikasa.”

Mikasa nods, understanding how much has changed between them. He may be her captain, but in these circumstances, they’ve both been reduced down to almost nothing. They’re equals – all they have left is the collective instinct to survive.

“I will get you out of here,” he whispers, hesitantly resting his hand on her shoulder. “I’ll make sure of it.”

She reaches across her body to place her hand on top of his, letting him know that she’s comfortable with his touch. “We both will,” She says firmly. “Levi.”

As crazy as the idea of an escape sounded like to Mikasa, she felt the fire reignited within her. His promise - their promise - meant that there was hope. There was so much worth fighting for in this world – her friends, her family, humanity, and the man who sits across from him. The man who had showed her the ropes for the past few years. The man who shared her last name and harboured some sort of connection to her. The man who protected her and her loved ones. The man that she’s starting to care more and more for as she the days continue to pass.

With the on-going injections, it was going to be hard because strength was not on their side. But they were determined.

“They’re probably going to be our only chance,” Levi said as he referenced the trio of Marleyans responsible for administering their drug.

“But if they’re even the slightest bit suspicious of us then we might be separated,” muses Mikasa. “Or even killed – they probably only need one of us after all.”

“Well let’s hope it’s me they decide to kill off then.” Levi deadpans.

She glares at him before lashing out heatedly. “Don’t even joke, Levi.”

“Have you come to care for me, Ackerman? Besides, I’m serious – better me than you.”

The use of her last name tells her he’s teasing her, but she isn’t having any of it. “I _have_ come to care for you and I’m _not_ losing you.”

Levi, taken aback by her outburst, smiles slightly. “Very well. I guess we’ve come a long way haven’t we?”

She feels her cheeks begin to warm as she realizes what she said to him and she’s silently thankful that the light is too dim for him to probably notice. “I guess we have,” she says hastily before bringing the discussion back to the escape plan. “But you’re right, they’ll be our only chance, though we’ll have to be careful.”

Levi, changing gears with her and trying to forget about that outpouring of emotion, nods. “They look like teenagers,” he reasons. “And that means that we can get inside their heads and manipulate them.”

“What do you mean by ’manipulate them’?” Mikasa furrows her brow.

“Like any young soldiers, they’re probably still scared. Usually when someone joins a war while they’re still young, they probably didn’t have many other options.” He explains. “Say the right things and you’ll get them thinking. Then they’ll start questioning what they know and what they’ve been taught. It’s like planting a seed of doubt.”

-

Levi jolts awake shortly after he fell asleep from another injection, with heavy limbs and a clouded mind. It takes him a couple of seconds to reorient himself and realize that he’s lying on the mattress, but one of his arms is draped around Mikasa and he’s facing her back. He tenses up and holds his breath for a second before realizing that she’s asleep, her body rising delicately under him arm.

_Fuck_. He thinks. _This isn’t good._

He still experiences the bouts of torment from the drug, but forces himself to hide the pain from Mikasa. He knows an escape plan will be easier if she thinks that they’re absolutely doing it together. He doesn’t know if his body will hold up when it comes time for the execution of their plan, and the last thing he wants to be is a liability. That also means trying to distance himself from her because he knows how afraid she is of losing people that she cares about.

He can’t stop replaying her words in his mind.

_“I have come to care for you and I’m not losing you.”_

He would be lying if this forced confinement with her were the only thing driving his own feelings. She had always caught his attention, and not just because of her outstanding skill. Her attachment to her childhood friends and how she’s willing to practically throw away her own life for them worries him. He sees so much of himself in her and he wants to just take her under his wing and guide her through the hell that is war. He wants to show her that her own life is worth something too. He also knows that she isn’t just someone who needs help and to be guided, but she’s also someone that will stop at nothing to challenge him and that fiery nature of her was intriguing to say the least. And now as he continues to learn the little secrets and things about her, he’s falling deeper into her trance and he knows that’s dangerous for both of them.

Once he feels confident in his strength, he gingerly removes his arm from the curve of her waist and shifts onto his back. He hopes that he only ended up in that position once they had both fallen asleep and that she hadn’t stirred since.

“You seemed awfully comfortable,” Mikasa’s says playfully.

Levi freezes and closes his eyes, swearing internally again. _Shit_. He contemplates pretending that he’s still asleep for a moment before accepting that he has to deal with it. “Sorry,” he says cautiously. “I must have done that unconsciously while I was asleep.”

“I don’t mind. It feels nice to be held.”

Does it remind you of Eren or something? Levi wants to ask, but he knows that he shouldn’t bring up the names of people so far out of their reaches right now. There’s a hint of envy seeping into his mind at the thought of her friend.

“Like our own kind of sanctuary.” She laments

“But I crossed a line that I shouldn’t have,” Levi says firmly, despite the craving he feels to just grab her back into his arms.

“Tell me, Levi,” she continues as though she hasn’t heard him. “Is there any room for love in a war?”

He shakes his head, not even surprised at the things that this woman will say. She’s curious, always looking for answers to any questions, though she’s asking the wrong person because Levi is far from an expert in love. He sits up and looks down at her. Her hair, which has grown beyond its usual place at her shoulders, contrasts the white gown they’ve given her to wear.

_Yes._ He wants to say.

“That’s for you to decide, Ackerman.”

He continues to look at her, unsure of what to make about the longing he feels. It’s not love, but it’s not nothing either.

“Some will decide that there’s room for love, while risking all the pain that comes along with that decision.” He says bitterly. “While others will decide that the risk is too big to take.”

“And is there any way to change someone’s mind?”

“I know you wouldn’t back down from a challenge, Mikasa. But at the same time, if you felt that way about someone, wouldn’t you want to honour their wishes as well?”

“And what do you decide?”

“I haven’t put much thought into it.“ _Until now._

She rolls over and looks at him, trying to read his expression, and she sees an honest, but also a hopeful man. “You should get some more rest.”

He lays back down and closes his eyes. He knows she’s right – there’s nothing else worth his time right now and besides, it might help him find the answer to her question.

-

For over a week, they carefully observe the Marley soldiers each time they come for their injections. The girl, despite looking the youngest, appears to be the strongest of the three when it comes to following instructions. She’s always the one to direct one of the blonde boys if they happen to slack when they come in. The smaller boy is the quietest – often saying nothing – and the older one will speak sternly to him from time to time.

Mikasa and Levi collectively agree that their target will be the younger boy. They rehearse what they’re going to say and finally the day comes around where they’ll make their first move.

The door unlocks and the trio walk in, carrying the same boxes containing the serum and the same lantern. They approach, heading to Levi first, who sits in his usual spot against the wall. The blonde soldiers assume their positions, each one of them grabbing an arm and pinning him against the wall. As the girl begins preparing the syringe, Levi turns his head and looks at the younger boy, who meets his gaze with his surprised, blue eyes.

“Do you know Reiner?” Levi asks.

Colt, Falco, and Gabi all freeze, unsure as to whether they imagined what they just heard.

“I said – do you know Reiner?” Levi repeats, louder this time.

Colt tightens his hold on Levi’s arm and looks at his two friends, clenching is jaw. “Hurry up. Let’s get this done.”

Gabi resumes her actions, though her hands are visibly shaking now. Falco continues to stare at Levi with shock.

“He was a fine soldier,” Levi continues to talk towards Falco. “I’m sure he still is, actually. But I guess that’s no surprise considering he was a shifter all along.”

Gabi looks up from the syringe and glares at him. “You’re one to talk,” she spits out. “You’re from failed titan experiments, so don’t think your blood is so clean either. Your strength is nothing but a lie, as this serum proves.”

Levi pretends to be insulted. “I didn’t say that being a shifter was a bad thing. Besides being a strong soldier, Reiner was also - from what I understand - a pretty nice guy.”

“Yeah, he had all of us fooled, really.” Mikasa said bitterly and the trio turned to look at her. “We believed that he and Berthold actually cared about us. I can understand risking their lives to protect us like any squad member would, but they would even give us all this advice – especially Reiner. He was always willing to talk, help, and even comfort in times of need.”

Gabi finishes prepping the syringe for Levi’s injection, though her hands continue to shake. She brings it close to Levi’s arm, and uses her free hand to search for the vein, but can’t seem to find it.

“Gabi,” Colt snaps at her. “Let me do it.”

“No!” she exclaims. “I can –“

“Hand it over,” he responds coldly, his grip on Levi’s arm tightening even more.

“I said… I can do it.” She responds slower this time and refocuses on the task at hand. She locates the vein and steadies herself before successfully administering the injection and causing Levi to clench his eyes shut in agony.

He feels them release him and move towards Mikasa. Colt and Falco grab on to her, though more cautiously this time.

“We’re only wondering about Reiner because we just assumed he had returned to Marley with the Beast Titan,” Mikasa says this, directed again at Falco, who refuses to look at her. “But we never found out for sure…he’s a mysterious one, after all.”

“Will you _shut up_?!” Gabi bursts out.

“GABI!” Colt’s voice echoes through the cell.

“I don’t care who the hell you think you are,” sneers Gabi, glowering at Mikasa. “But I suggest you shut your mouth.”

Mikasa cocks an eyebrow at her. “Or else what?”

Levi can’t help but feel amused with her attitude.

“Just ignore her,” Falco finally speaks up, though he’s mumbling.

Gabi huffs and finishing loading the syringe before yanking Mikasa’s arm with much more force than needed.

“I would be careful, if I were you three,” Mikasa says slyly. “Reiner always seems to have his own agenda and you remind me of me and my friends. I wouldn’t want to see you get hurt.”

She feels the needle thrust in and the serum entering her body, but she takes it with a slight smile on her face.

“We’re nothing like you,” Gabi says through gritted teeth as she yanks the syringe back. “You’re nothing more than titan rejects.”

The trio gather their things and exit the cell without another word.

“Who the hell do they think they are?” Gabi asks that night while she sits with Falco and Colt in the dining room.

Colt shakes his head and glares at her. “They’re obvious trying to get under our skin for whatever reason, but you need to calm yourself. You can’t let them know how you feel.”

“I won’t let them just slander his name, though.”

Falco looks up from his food, staring Gabi straight in the eyes. “Do you really blame them though? After what he did to them? After how he betrayed them in cold blood?”

The other two are silent as they stare at him.

“Falco, watch what you say…” Colt warns, lowering his voice as he eyes the people around them in the hall.

“Take it back.” Growls Gabi.

“I’m sorry,” Falco mumbles. “I didn’t mean it…it just crossed my mind for a second.”

They eat in silence for the rest of dinner and Gabi is the first to get up and leave.

Once she’s gone, Colt turns to his brother. “You can’t think of something like that, let a lone say it out loud.”

“I know.” Falco pauses. “But I don’t get how she can say that stuff or even believe it. How different are they from titan shifters?”

“They are products of failure. Defects.”

“But at least they’re still _human_.”

Colt tightens his jaw. “That’s enough. The point is that you can’t say shit like that about Reiner to his own damn cousin.”

“I think she’d be surprised to learn about how he actually feels,” mutters Falco under his breath.

-

“Are you okay?” Levi asks her that night, lying on the mattress as he faced her.

Mikasa reaches up and presses the back of her hand against his forehead. “I should be asking you that, you’re completely overheated.”

Levi tries to smile, but it comes out like a grimace. “I’m fine. Nothing that isn’t unusual.”

“Do you think it worked?”

“I hope so. Either way, we need to keep it up.”

“That felt like the most fun I’ve had in ages,” there’s a mischievous twinkle in Mikasa’s eyes. “That Gabi girl was having none of it.”

This time Levi musters a smile for real, admiring the fierce woman in front of him. “You’re something else, Ackerman.”

She smiles back at him before flipping onto her other side so that her back is towards him. Despite his better judgement, and maybe he could blame it on the delerious effects of the serum, Levi drapes his arm over Mikasa’s waist, recreating their sanctuary…at least for a short while.

* * *

 

A/N: Sorry it took longer than I intended to get out the next part. I haven’t read the most recent chapter of snk yet so I apologize if the Marley trio aren’t represented accurately. Anyways, I still can’t believe I’m attempting a multi-part fic aha. Despite my original plans, this is also going to be longer than three parts. Feedback would be greatly appreciated!


	3. Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...I guess I have to change the rating.

“What do you do…when you’re – you know – not doing this to us?” Levi asks Falco and Colt as they hold him down. “Do you spend he rest of your time training or do they make you study anything? I’m only curious because maybe I can bring some techniques back to the Survey Corps with me.” 

Gabi snorts. “Yeah because you’re definitely getting out of here alive, right?” 

She waves the syringe in front of his face, dangling it like a toy in front of a child. She’s smirking from satisfaction of taunting him. “With this, there’s no way in hell.” 

I’d go to hell and back if it means giving her a chance to live. He thinks as he gets yet another injection.

They move on from him and he hears Mikasa begin to pry. “Do you guys like this? I thought I was fucked up, but I’ve never tortured people like this.”

Her voice is filled with disgust and he knows that this coming from the heart and not just one of their guises that they’re putting up.

“Oh please,” Gabi gasps sarcastically. “You know that when you’re cutting down titans, you’re just killing other humans.” 

“I fucking hate it but I do it to survive,” Mikasa lashes out, her voice straining. “But this – what you’re doing to us…why?” 

“Do you think we want to do this too?!” Falco says angrily and Mikasa turns to meet his eyes, which are deranged with frustration.

Both Gabi and Colt give Falco a pointed look and he looks away from Mikasa, instead bowing his head and tightening his grip on her arm. 

“We’re Eldians trying to atone for the sins of those demons on the island. We need to dedicate our lives to Marley and prove ourselves more than anybody else. The way they look at us – disobedience will probably lead to death.” Colt explains stiffly, like an actor memorizing a script. “So I’d say that we’re doing this to survive as well.” 

No one says anything else as they finish administering the serum to Mikasa, but there’s an added weight in the room that’s suffocating. Everybody knows that there are so many things more to say, but no one wants to open their mouths, let alone take a breath. 

Gabi, Falco, and Colt pack up their things and leave, allowing Mikasa and Levi to collectively exhale. Levi turns and cups her cheek with the palm of his hand. His hands are rough and calloused, but his touch is gentle.

“Hey – are you okay?” 

Mikasa swallows and nods her head. “This war is…”

She trails off.

“Exhausting? Difficult? Frustrating? Absolutely fucking crazy?” 

Mikasa laughs weakly at the last one and Levi feels a small tug in his chest at his ability to make her smile even in the darkest of times. 

“All of the above,” she whispers. “This war was so much easier when it was just titans and before we knew where they came from. Why does it have to be humans now? Why do we have to hate those three kids who are just soldiers like us? Why are we fighting other people like us?” 

Soldiers like us. It was true – their roles could easily be reversed and in the end they were just following orders.

Mikasa slams her fist into the ground in frustration and Levi wants to see her suffering end. He pulls her towards him and into a hug so that her chest is pressed against his collarbone.   
She gasps in surprise, but shuts her eyes and relishes the moment. She feels safe in his arms – like he’s trying to build up a wall to protect her like how the walls protect the people back home. 

“I wish I could give you an answer.” Levi says bitterly. 

They stay like that for couple of minutes, Mikasa just listening to the steady beat of Levi’s heart and Levi feeling her body rise and fall from her breaths. He knows that he continues to break his rules and that he needs to keep her at a distance, but he can’t stand to see her suffer and not do anything to try and comfort her. And he knows there are different ways to comfort, but when they’ve been faced with isolation from so long, he knows that touch and the physical comfort from another human being is what they both need the most. Besides, being able to feel her and know that she’s real and still with him, helps him just as much - if not more.

“I’m sorry,” she finally breaks the silence and pushes herself up from him so that she can look at his face. 

“It’s fine,” Levi looks down at her. “We’re humans after all, right?”

Mikasa laughs again, but it sounds empty because of all the meaning behind that word – humans. “If only things were that simple.” 

“If we’re ever going to find the answers, this might be the right place, you know.” Levi says cautiously. They rarely talk about the mystery of their powers, their last names, and their existence, so this is like entering unchartered waters. 

“I want to know – but I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“What’s the worst that could happen?” 

“I find out that we’re – that I’m – wired to be some kind of beast,” she pulls herself away from Levi’s arms and looks down the fist that she’s made with her hand. “And that I’m destined to kill because that’s all I’m good at and the only thing that’ll satisfy this hunger within me.” 

Levi nods, he knows how she feels. “It’s like a thrill, right? The rush of flying through the air, and the satisfaction of the blades slicing through the flesh.” 

“The steam from the wounds we leave, the glory of the battlefield littered with titan corpses.” She continues, clenching her fist tighter. “But it’s more than just titans, I felt it too when I killed those kidnappers with Eren and again when we took down Kenny’s men. I’m a hypocrite, Levi. I told them that we kill to survive, but that doesn’t explain these feelings I have. Is this the cost of our strength? Each body added to my kill-count brings me that fulfillment. It doesn’t matter if it’s a titan or a human.” 

“Whatever the truth is – as in, what we are or how we got our strength – whatever the answer to those questions are, they won’t define who you are as a person.” Levi’s voice his firm – spoken like a true leader trying to inspire his troops. “It doesn’t matter where we came from or how we came to be because at the end of the day we’re still in control of the choices we make. Even if our origins did hold some thirst for bloodshed, that shouldn’t make you look at yourself any differently or make you think that you’re destined to kill for the rest of your life.”

Mikasa processes everything he’s said and a wave of calmness washes over her. His words soothe her and help settle the torment that’s taking shape in her mind. She’s noticed this about him several times now. Maybe it’s his years of experience, or just the way he is, but he has a way of keeping her grounded. And not just now, but also when he’s leading them in the Survey Corps and it’s helped her learn to trust him.

“It’s our choices that define who we are,” she says it slowly, willing herself to commit the words to memory.

She chooses to settle back into his arms, and he chooses to let her. 

“Exactly. And we can only hope that we don’t regret the choices that we make.”

\-- 

The knock on Reiner’s door jolts him from his trance as he stares at the papers in front of him.

“Yeah?” He calls out, quickly straightening the pages into a pile and flipping them over.

“It’s Colt.” His voice is muffled through the door.

Reiner gets up from his chair and opens the door. The younger man enters and Reiner shuts the door behind him before turning around and leaning against it to look at him. 

“What’s up?”

“I don’t think Falco’s cut out for this,” Colt cuts straight to the chase, saving both of them from any bullshit. “The prisoners are getting to him.” 

Reiner narrows his eyes at him, unimpressed with what he’s just said. “But you know this is part of your training – as ordered by Zeke. If he can’t pass this, then he’s not going to be able to inherit it.” He conveniently leaves out the fact that it was his own idea to turn this into a test for the trio. Zeke had been content just letting three random grunts take on the responsibility.

“You say that like that’s a bad thing, but don’t tell me you don’t feel the same way about Gabi.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“You know what I mean,” Colt snaps. “Especially considering that you’ve lived through this hell already. Do you want to see someone you care about experience the shit that you have? Be honest with me.”

“Let me give you a piece of advice,” Reiner retorts. “It doesn’t matter what you want for the people you care about. At the end of the day, they’ll do what they want and they’ll make their own choices. Sometimes trying to change minds does more harm than good.”

“But I’m not going to let him walk into a life of hell!” Colt lashes back angrily, his voice rising. “And I can’t believe you would let her do the same.” 

“Keep it down.”

“Sorry,” Colt mutters, realizing how dangerous his words are becoming.

It’s funny how history seems to repeat itself over and over and over again. Reiner can only imagine how many times conversations and thoughts like these have passed through the minds of his Eldian predecessors. “Why are you telling me this, Colt? You’re his brother – shouldn’t you be the one to talk to him if you’re worried?” 

“He wouldn’t listen to me. He thinks that I baby him too much and if I tried to convince him to not become a warrior, he would think I’m being overprotective.” 

“You know how important the titan powers are to us Eldians, right? Think about how Falco would feel if he failed this? Think about how your family would react – I bet they’re ecstatic that they have two sons who have the potential for inheritance, right? Now think about if you were the one who wasn’t successful and Falco was. You would be ashamed and your family would be ashamed of you. They might not say it to your face, but you know that’s how they feel and you’d have to live with that disappointment for the rest of your life.” 

Colt looks down and refuses to meet Reiner’s eyes because he knows everything he’s said is true. He thinks of how jittery his brother gets every time they have to go to the cells to inject the Ackermans and how reclusive he gets after each session, always heading back to his room and rarely saying anything during dinner, or skipping the meal altogether. Then there are the rare outbursts while they’re in the cell and the mind games that the Ackermans are trying to play with them.

“You may have a path in mind for him, but in order for him to be happy with that path, he has to choose it himself.” 

“Is that how you feel about Gabi?” Colt asks his superior with a hint of smugness. “Well maybe I shouldn’t be so concerned about Falco because at this rate, she’s going to inherit the Armoured Titan over Falco.” 

Reiner narrows his eyes, sensing the sudden loftiness in Colt’s voice. “My thoughts about her don’t concern you – I would just worry about your own.”

“Tch,” He scowls, moving towards the door.

Reiner steps out of the way and Colt reaches for the door handle.

“I’m sorry, Colt.” 

It’s enough to make the boy pause at the door before leaving. Once the door shuts, Reiner rubs his temples, attempting to ease the tension from his body. Though he isn’t being completely honest with Colt, everything he said there was the truth and from the heart. From his experience, especially in the time of war when soldiers are so prone to being manipulated, everybody has to be free to make their own choices. That’s why he put Falco, Colt, and Gabi in this situation – because he wanted them to experience the horrors, pain, and difficult decisions before they committed their lives to the war as titans. He wanted to change their minds while there was still time and from the words of Colt, it sounds like his plan was working. Their consciences were kicking in and making them second-guess everything they had been taught. 

He walks back to his desk and retrieves the papers that he was looking at before. They contain notes about the Ackerman Project, detailed by Zeke. It’s because of this knowledge that Zeke and Pieck were able to come up with a serum that could neutralize the strength of Levi and Mikasa. He prods for a latch under his desk and pulls it open, allowing him to reach into his desk and retrieve a box. Inside the box is a vial of a clear, colourless solution and a syringe that looks identical to the one that the trio have been using for the past couple of weeks. He closes the box and puts it back where he found it, reaffirming his resolution and his plans.

That night, the dining hall is packed and boisterous. It’s a Friday night and the soldiers have decided to indulge in some drinks. Reiner sits at a table, keeping an eye on his little cousin Gabi, who’s sitting with a group of her friends, talking animatedly. His concentration is broken when Falco sits down beside him, holding a glass of beer. 

“Worried about her?” Falco asks Reiner, following his gaze this Gabi.

Reiner shakes his head. “She can handle herself.” 

“Yeah – she’s a tough one. Ferocious and passionate – especially if you get in her way.”

“Always has been, I guess that’s something she won’t grow out of.” 

“Yeah, just ask the prisoners.” Falco takes a sip of his drink. “Say, how come you don’t want to see them? They used to be such a big part of your life and I bet if you showed your face, it would really get them riled up.” 

Reiner’s surprised by his question and his openness to talking about Levi and Mikasa, especially if the whole situation has been as hard on him as Colt had said. He shrugs. “I guess I don’t see the need to opening old wounds. Also, the last time I encountered Mikasa face to face in my human form, she cut off my arm.” 

Falco nearly spits out his beer. “Damn! She’s ruthless.”

“Yeah, they say Levi is humanity’s strongest, but man Mikasa is the one that scares the shit out of me. She’ll stop at nothing to protect Eren, and after what I did to him, there’s no way she’s going to let me just walk in there and talk to them like nothing happened.” 

“But you’re forgetting that we inject them with the serum anyways. They’re practically powerless.” 

“Yeah, but I wouldn’t be surprised if rage could help them overcome the effects of the serum or something.” 

Falco looks over at Gabi again, who’s becoming more and more animated at her table. “Hmm, better keep that in mind then because Gabi’s a threat to piss them off. What’s in that serum anyways?”

Images of the long chemical names scrawled from Zeke’s notes come floating into his mind, but he can’t remember what they’re actually called. “Honestly, I have no clue. I don’t even know how Zeke came up with the perfect formula either…” Reiner trails off, thinking about how Zeke must have tested it on something or someone beforehand because it just works too well. 

“But you know what,” Reiner continues. “Maybe you’re right – I think I’ll join you three for the next injection. When will that be?”

“Two days from now.”

“Perfect.” 

-

Sweat drips from Levi’s brow and he’s panting heavily as he blocks Mikasa’s jabs. They’ve only been at it for ten minutes, but he’s already starting to feel fatigued. Part of it must be from the weeks of no exercise, whereas the other part must be due to that damn drug. 

“Keep going,” he growls at her. “Don’t worry about me.” 

Despite Mikasa’s growing concern, she listens to him and continues to attack him relentlessly. He continues to block everything, but she pushes him with her force until his back is against the wall and she’s almost right up against him. 

This is the first time they’ve sparred since they’ve been captured. It was Levi’s idea – he said they needed to train and build up strength before they could continue with their escape plans.

They’re so close that Mikasa loses her focus momentarily as she’s suddenly hyper aware of his short breaths on her neck and his hand that has captured her fist. Levi senses her disorientation and he quickly twists her arm, causing her to cry out in pain and her knees to buckle.

“What’s the matter?” He’s leaning over her now, whispering in her ear. “Lose your focus?” 

She quickly recovers and easily pushes him back so that she’s even closer than she was before, practically pinning him against the wall. “No,” she shoots back confidently. “Just thought I’d give you a break.”

Levi smirks and turns his head away from her. Despite weeks of not showering, the sweat covering her skin and her tangled hair gives her some sort of natural beauty that he can’t get enough of. His hands want to run their course along her body, catching every curve and dip. He can’t deny it anymore – the pit of whatever it is that’s been growing in his stomach is real and it’s making him want to do everything but keep his distance as he had originally intended. She feeds the craving that he has – physically and mentally, and maybe it’s the isolation that’s manifested this desire, or maybe it’s been there all along. 

Mikasa feels the rush of power as she realizes how much control she has in the situation. She grabs his chin and forces him to look up at her. “I could get used to this,” she says slyly. “Looking down on the mighty Captain.” 

He reaches up and grabs her wrist, but she effortlessly pins his arm against the wall in response. 

“You’re forgetting that I have a handicap.” He glares at her; though her dominance over him was giving him a thrill unlike anything he’s ever experienced. It made him forget that they were tortured prisoners because all he could think about was how much he wanted her and to feel the pleasure of that he knew she could give him.

“I’ll take what I can get.” This time it’s her turn to lean down and whisper sultrily in his ear. 

Her breath tickling his ear causes his body to respond. His entire body tingles, goosebumps rise on his skin, and the blood rushes to his groin. Mikasa feels this and her cheeks start to flush as she realizes what’s happening. But she takes it as encouragement because she knows they both crave the physical satisfaction.

She pushes up against him even more, grabbing his other arm and pinning it against the wall as well. Levi looks up at her from below the shadows of his bangs and she swears that she could come undone right there from the look he’s giving her. He looks helpless, with the eyes of a dog begging for a bone to be thrown at him and she relishes the command that she has over him. 

Slowly, she gets on her knees without breaking eye contact with him. Levi wants to cry out for her to stop, but his body wants it too badly. She moves with confidence and presses her mouth against his bulge, separated only by the thin fabric of his pants. He bucks his hips involuntarily and seethes at the pleasure. 

She yanks down his pants and immediately captures his cock in her mouth. Levi swears that he almost comes right then and there as he lets out a low groan. The sound from his throat urges her to continue, and she uses her tongue to swirl around his shaft. He grabs her hair and pushes her towards him so that she goes deeper and deeper while his hips continue to thrust beyond his control.

“Fuck.” He exhales passionately just as she lets him go from her mouth and finishes him off with her hands.

He pulls his pants back up and slides himself down the wall he’s leaning against until he’s sitting. Immediately, he gets to work on Mikasa, hungrily pressing his lips against her exposed neck, nipping and sucking until he’s left her skin red. His hands find their way under her gown and they start travelling up her back before one comes to rest on her breast.

“Wait,” she whispers.

Levi pulls away, worried that he’s gone too far.

She turns her head towards their forgotten mattress and he finds it funny how easy it is to forget about common sense when he’s around her.

“I wish I could do something heroic like pick you up right now, but you’re just going to have to walk yourself.” 

Mikasa laughs and pulls him up onto her feet with her. She leads him to the bed and lies down, looking expectedly at him. He straddles her and resumes his play on her body, this time taking it slower because his primitive need has been replaced with a desire to draw out this moment of pleasure for her. He pulls her gown up, leaving it on but exposing her breasts and the rush of cool air immediately causes her nipples to harden. Levi greedily takes one into his mouth, biting softly and a whimper escapes from her mouth. Suck on it before dragging his teeth agonizingly slow down her stomach and stopping at her underwear. With his teeth, he pulls them down to her knees before kissing his way back up her inner thigh.

“Tell me what you want,” he mumbles into her skin and even that is enough to send shivers throughout her body because it’s such a thoughtful request. 

“Just make me come.” 

He doesn’t wait for anything else before finding her clit with his tongue. She gasps and clenches her legs together, but he continues his assault on her. His fingers find her opening and they move inside, sliding with her wetness. He moves slowly, but deeply and her hips naturally match his rhythm. His other hand replaces his mouth on her clit as he watches her squirm underneath him until he feels her clench around his fingers, and she looks at him while crying out silently. He lets her ride out the rest of her orgasm before removing his hands and collapsing onto the bed beside her. 

Levi feels exhausted – from the sparring to the physicality of everything that just happened – and he fights the urge to fall into a slumber right then and there. He feels like there’s too much that needs to be said between them right now. 

“I – I didn’t know how much I needed that,” Mikasa says slowly with her eyes closed. She doesn’t necessarily feel regret, but she knows that giving into their urges wasn’t the smartest thing they could have done. 

“I guess we’re pretty lucky that each of us aren’t completely alone.” It comes out sarcastically because Levi’s defences are kicking in and telling him to put a stop to everything before it can get even messier. 

His statement makes Mikasa even more frustrated with everything. There’s no doubt that they’ve grown incredibly close throughout all of this and she feels that something more than just comradeship has started to manifest between them. But what’s been bothering her is that she doesn’t know if what’s happening between them is spurred purely by the fact that they’re being forced into spending every second together, or if there ever could have been the potential for this to happen without this forced confinement. She doesn’t want this to be something that’s happening just because of their situation because it makes everything feel so wrong – like they’re just using each other.

Yet at the same time, everything feels so right when they’re holding each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I guess I know why I've never written multichapter fics before...because it's so hard to feel inspired every week or every two weeks and pound out a chapter. I'm sorry this has taken a long time, but I think it's going to be a process for me as I learn to write regularly as opposed to writing one-shots every time I'm hit with a burst of new inspiration.  
> This is also my first time writing smut, oh myyyyyy (so go easy on me!)   
> Thanks for the comments, friends :)


End file.
